Many Voices One Truth with Tracy Taris

Sometimes the world is a noisy place with many voices competing for our attention. But where is the truth and how can we hear the truth amidst the many voices? Tracy Taris is a licensed counselor and author of the book, Many Voice, One Truth. 

Connect with Tracy on Instagram at @healingthemindandspirit and @tracytaris and on her website at https://tracytaris.com

Get your copy of Many Voices, One Truth on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3i38WGU (affiliate link).

Don’t forget today’s sponsor is the Christian Creative Symposium. Find out more at http://christiancreativesymposium.com

Guest Bio:

Tracy Taris is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She is president and owner of Healing The Mind & Spirit, Inc. where she leads a team of counselors. Her group practice is located in the Santa Clarita Valley where psychotherapy services are provided in the form of couples, family, individual, adolescent and child therapy as well as coaching services that cover a variety of topics from creative blocks, nutritional problems, and women’s issues. Tracy is Author of Many Voices One Truth – a work that discusses choices in belief. In the book, Tracy discusses the problem of negative thoughts, where they originate, and how to differentiate between the different thoughts that invade your mind. Tracy teaches the reader how to still and calm not only their minds but their central nervous system using time-honored prayer and meditative techniques. Tracy’s service to the Santa Clarita Valley also includes work as a Contract Therapist for College of The Canyons’ (COC) Student Health and Wellness Center. She is part of a team of therapists who provide therapy to students at COC. Tracy holds a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology with and emphasis in Marriage & Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University. She also holds a bachelor’s degree in Journalism with an emphasis in Broadcasting from California Polytechnic State University.

Transcript

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Happy New Year. I'm so glad that you've joined us on Radical Abundance in the New Year is a great way to start and you know what you could do to help us start the new year even better. Click subscribe. Follow this podcast and even better yet, take a minute and leave a review. Thanks so much. This is episode number 42, the first episode of 2023, and it's sponsored by the Christian Creative Symposium happening this week, January five through seven. Check it out@christiancreativesymposium.com. Welcome to Radical Abundance. I'm your host, Teresa Janzen do you ever feel like the world is just a noise of voices and it's so hard to find the truth? Well, today's guest is Tracy Taris and she talks about many voices, one truth, and that's what we're going to dive into today to see if we can sort through the noise and find some truth. Tracy, welcome to Radical Abundance. It's great to have you. Thank you. It's nice to be here. Thanks for having me. Well, Tracy, I know you've written a book about this whole idea of many voices, one truth, and in it you use the analogy like of different broadcasting stations. Why did you go that direction with your book? The biggest things that I see in my practice, I'm a marriage and family therapist, is. people listening to things in their heads and in their minds that are not true. One of the biggest forms of therapy that I use is something called cognitive behavioral therapy. And cognitive has to do with your con how cognitions, how you think. And one day I was just thinking about. You know, because in cognitive, in C B T, that's what we call it, I teach people how to turn off certain thoughts like, you know, what's an alternative tru, what's an alternative way of looking at this? Or what is the truth? Because sometimes the thought is just an out and out lie. And for whatever reason I was thinking about broadcast because it's almost like they are broadcasting into your mind and it. Think about growing up and how we only had three networks and p b s. We had A, B, C, C, B, S, N B C, and p b s. Now there was cable, but in my household we didn't have cable. We just had those four choices and it really was up to us to turn them off. And so I thought likewise, you can do the same thing with your thoughts, like you don't have. Go along the string because the way thoughts happen is one will happen and then another one and then another one, and before you know it, you're swinging through the trees of all these thoughts. When there are ways that you can turn them off or down. Tracy. I love that analogy. And it actually does remind me of my childhood too. We, I didn't grow up with cable. In fact, we had to adjust the bunny ears to get some of those channels in. But I remember when I was a kid if I had a nightmare, my mom would actually tell me, turn the channel.. And I would blink my eyes really hard. Tried to shift my thoughts. Yes. I think my mom came up with that long before Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I don't know how long that's been around, but I don't think she knew about it. Yeah. Yet, somehow she tuned in to that concept. Well, that's the Holy Spirit. I think the Holy Spirit helps people with things that they don't know. You know, . Right. Exactly. But you're right that these voices can get in our head. And tell us lies. So my experiences is that when someone really gets onto a concept like this and really embraces it, that they have some history. What was it that happened in your past that really caused this to be your thing that you want to bring to the world? Yeah. Well, I grew up thinking that, you know, I was evil and was going to burn in hell. I had an aunt that would tell me that on numerous occasion, anytime I did something that was of my own mind or something that she didn't like, she would tell this to me and like consciously, I would just reject it. You know, I grew up Catholic. I knew I had Jesus, you know, and things like that. Right now I'm Christian, we're non-denominational, but I always knew that, you know, in the back of my mind, , it still like bothered me. And so we had a family crisis. One of my younger sisters had a stroke in her late thirties, and I, and three of my other sisters went to help her. And so while we were there visiting with her, I threw myself into the work of getting social services set up for her cuz she lived alone, just her and her kids. And I knew that our visit would be short. And so in the midst of doing all of that, . Another belief came that I would die young. Like my mother traced my palm when I was little and told me that I would die young. And I grew up believing that like anytime I would have a code, anytime, you know, some near miss would happen, I would think that I had just, you know, escaped death, you know? And so as an adult, I went to therapy. And I dealt with all of that, like I, at being a Christian and talking with women that are older than me, studying the word, figuring out what God says about me. I was able, for the most part to let that go. But this tragedy with my sister, she's fine now. Because of her age, she pretty much bounced back, you know, more normally than if she had been older. But with this tragedy with my sister, it just brought up that belief. I didn't even know. That I, it was still there lurking in the back of my mind. So having that belief of I'm going to die young, it made me want to go home to my family, my husband and my kids, where, you know, it's my world. It's my home. I'm safe. You know, I feel loved there and so I wanted to escape and get out. I didn't wanna stand in long lines. At social services buildings. And so of course that made me feel guilty, which brought up the your evil thing and you're gonna burn in hell. And I wasn't pre piecing any of this together. I mean, I'm a therapist, right? And if someone were sitting on a couch telling me this, I would be like, okay, it's this, and this . But for myself, clueless. And so I called a friend of mine who knew me quite well. I knew my family story. And she just said, this has nothing to do with what's going on. This has to do with what you believe about yourself. And so that's when I started really thinking about it. And the title to this book came, it was called belief Beyond Belief, because that's what I want people to know. Like I want people to get from the place of. Belief, like surface belief to such a depth of belief that, you know, like for me, I know God exists. Have I ever seen him know? But I know that he exists and I know that, you know, Jesus came and he died on the cross, and I know that he did all the things that he said he did. It's not just a belief for me. It's deepened into that. And so that's one of the reasons why I wrote this. You talk about many voices and you're, you've explained some of your childhood and the voices of your family, but then we also have the voices of culture. We have the voices of the church. We have a lot of voices that do bombard us. How can a person sort out., the voices that are adding to life, or voices that are speaking truth, because it doesn't always have to be a voice that makes us happy. Someone could say something that's very true and convicting and we might not wanna hear it, but it could be true. Yeah, and we need to hear it. How can a person sort through the noise, sort through the voices to find the. So in the book I took the analogy of the broadcast networks, a, B, abc, cbs, B S N B, NBC and P B s, and I likened them to the four voices that I used in the book are self. Satan, society and Savior. And so in the book I talk about how you can tell which, what is coming from, what voice is speaking at the time, or what voice are giving you the thoughts in your mind and how to differentiate between them. And so, one of the things is like if it's, if you are thinking about something and you're down on. Like, I'm not good enough, you know, I'm not worthy. Things like that, right? That could either be self from your experiences growing up or some, you know, incident that happened to you, or it could be Satan because Satan is he's the enemy of our souls, and the biggest thing that he doesn't want us to see is who we really are. Like we've forgotten who we really are. Conversely, if you are having thoughts that, you know, I can do this, like I've done this before. That also could be self, but it's I call in the self, I call it an affiliate of either the savior voice or an affiliate of the Satan voice, depending on what experiences you're drawing on. And if you're drawing on something that's saying, yes, I can, or, you know, to get you from one step to the nu to the other. It could be self, but it's the God affiliate. Or it could be savior, you know, where he's speaking life into you and wanting you to know who you are and wanting you to be who he created you to be. You know, and society's voice is, you know, it too can be used for good or bad because there's lots of people on social media doing a lot of good things. I wanted to get a cherry stain out of some white. YouTube pour hot water on it. So it's like there's so much out there that could be good, but if it leads to comparison, if it leads you to negating yourself or disparaging yourself, then that's the society voice and it's not, you know, coming from a good place. So in the book, I teach people how to differentiate between those four, and you're right, there are others, you know, but tho those are the that I use because those are the four that I see most often in my. I love talking about the society voice because I think there are a lot of great things about society today, and especially young people today. They're much more embracing of the authentic, the being real, and yet at the same time, there seems to be a little bit. of everything's good. Everything is fine. You be you, I'll be me. It's all good. And that's not truth either. And so sorting through that can be really tricky. The difference between positive self and also acknowledging where we need to move forward. And so here we are at the beginning of the year. We wanna have a better year this year than what we had last year. And so there's kind of a couple things going on here. How can. Listen to the right voices, but how can we be honest and accept what we need to do to move forward in a positive way? Yeah, I think a good assessment of your values and a good assessment of what it is you want in life, like some of the longings that we have and some of the desires that we had. Have, were put there by God and they point to who we truly are and what we were created for. Sometimes it's not like, sometimes there could be something that's pointing us in a direction, and it's not necessarily, you know what God calls for us. You know? And so one of the things I tell people who are looking for where to go next, what do I do next? And I don't know what I want to do. Like a, like today's college students, sometimes they're very, Confused. They're afraid to choose a major because they're afraid of making a wrong decision. And so one of the things that I tell them is like, I'm on my like fourth or fifth career, even if you. Don't do, you don't have to do it forever, like get a degree in something, but think about what did you want to do and be when you were little? What are some of the things that you do that you lose time? What comes easy for you, you know, and what brings you joy and whatever it is you're designed to do or meant to do. It's probably, it's more likely in some of those arenas, those four. You know, so it's a lot of self-assessment and tuning in, thinking through praying, writing. I love the morning pages by Cameron, Julia, Cameron in the Artist's Way, you know, like where you write three pages nonstop, first thing in the morning to just get all the gunk out, and then you get, you know, like you can go in and face your day. So there's lots of different things that you can do to look at that. Let's talk about the book a little. and tell me who is this book really designed for and if I wanted to get it for myself, what type of person would that be? Or is there someone I should gift it to? So it's designed for women who are and men can read it to, the person I had in mind was a woman, 18, because 18 starts, that's when you're starting your life. You're probably leaving home, going to college, or at least going into the workforce, 2 65 and maybe even beyond because. We just because we get older and just because we mature in a lot of different ways, it doesn't mean that our thought processes mature. Some people still have the same thought processes, still listening to the same voices that they did when they were in their twenties and thirties, when really it's about, you know, the woman who has questions of, you know, who am I? You know, what is my worth? Where am I going? You know, how do I get closer to Jesus? Like many of the exercises in the book have to do with calming yourself and you know, like using different prayer techniques and different C B T cognitive behavioral techniques to get your mind in the flow of what is good and what is right and that to keep moving forward. If you wanted to give the book to someone, I would give it to someone who is thinking of making a. For the new year, someone who talks about their thoughts and how they have these negative thoughts about themselves, because in the book it shows that not all negative thought. Come from yourself. Sometimes they come from other places, you know, whether it's society, whether it's Satan or whatever, and it shows you how, you know, the savior is one of the voices that's competing for attention. Like some pa some people may say God doesn't compete, but God is speaking to us all the time. He just, he's just not forceful about it. He's a still small voice, but he wants to get in there and he wants you to know. Who he created you to be as well. Well, I know a lot of us at the beginning of the year, some people are either new Year's resolution kind of people or they are anti New Year's resolution kind of people. But either way, I think there's something that we begin the year and say we're going to do this, and then.. And inevitably we get partway in and we mess up. So if someone today is listening to this broadcast and they have just, they have that voice in their mind today saying, you are a failure. I knew you couldn't do it. You never do all of those things that resonate in our mind when we. Don't do what we had hoped we would do. Yeah. What would you, what's the advice? What's a tool? It sounds like you have a lot of tools in the book, and I love that really practical application things. Yeah. What's someone, what's something you would give to that person today to help them get back on track? Well, I I have this thing, my, my youngest daughter created this jar when she was. in fourth or fifth grade called the boredom jar, and it was for summer, so she would be home on in summer and so would I, and if we weren't going somewhere, she made all these script strips of paper to put in the jar of things to do so that she can pull them out and then she'd have something to do. That way she wouldn't be bored. I modified that in my work with teenagers where I have them write on strips of paper., you know, like, because if you do a Google search, who does God say I am? All these scriptures will pop up. So you write it on strips of paper, put it in the jar, and then at any given day where you're feeling like, you know, I'm unworthy, you know, I never do anything, right. Pull one to see, you know, what does God say about me? And if you don't believe it, Do like the guy in a New Testament that said, I believe help me overcome my unbelief and ask God to help you overcome your unbelief. The second thing is, yeah, a lot of people don't like to do uh, new Year's resolutions, but I think what I've done for years is like having goals and then umbrella them like financial goals career goals. health and fitness goals, my writing goals, like just different areas, and then just put two, like put two under each. It could be family goals, spend more time with your kids, put but to put two goals under each umbrella, and you'll find that, you know, if you're giving yourself the time to tend to them, that's the best way to defeat the voice that says, I knew you couldn't do it, because you'll see that you can, like, sometimes you have to be your own advocate, like if to get out of a. Of thoughts, you have to do something different. And so that voice that's saying, I knew you couldn't do it, you never. Figure out, like think through where have I finished something, what have I done from A to Z, you know, from beginning to end. And so that you have proof to yourself that no, it isn't that I never finished because I finished this and this, and we all finish things. You know? I mean, even if at first you're only saying, well, I finished, you know, sixth grade and then seventh grade, but there's things in your life that you have finished. Well, I've noticed that oftentimes those of us who are the hardest on ourselves are really high achievers. Oftentimes, you know, people who set the bar and do things, they're the ones who also notice when they don't quite. measure up to what they had wanted. That's how I grew up, you know, even as a little girl, I had really high expectations of myself and through school and college and everything. And it is important to get a realistic view. Yes. So if I know someone in my life, maybe who. Is feeling like they have failed and I know they haven't. What are some things I could say? How can I be a positive voice amid all those other voices? How can I speak truth into someone and be genuine about it? Yeah. Depending on how well you know them. Remind them of places where they have achieved. Remind them of places of things that they've done, that they set out to do, and also, especially if they're a high achieve. Remind them of the tendency of high achievers like our overachievers to be really hard on themselves. Like I once went to this continuing education seminar on compassion fatigue. I had never heard of compassion fatigue. And it's for people who are in the helping fields. You know, you the compassion, you're, you worked over, you're overworked, you're burnt out, and so you stop having as much compassion. And it doesn't mean that you don't have compassion, it just means. It's fatigued. We can do that to ourselves. Like we may have compassion, like some of the things that we would say to ourselves, we would never say to another person because it's harmful and because it's mean. So figuring out how to have compassion for yourself, like even if you have to externalize a part of your. Another form of therapy that I do is called narrative therapy, and one of the biggest things in narrative therapy is you externalize the problem, like give it a name and take it out of your heart, out of your soul. This is a problem that you have to deal with. It's not you. You are not the problem. You just have this problem. And so what narrative therapy does is it helps you to have more compassion on yourself and compassion for. It's true that we oftentimes have more grace for other people than what we have for ourselves. And other times we can be pretty hard on other people when we expect them to measure up to, you know, maybe our area of giftedness, but we're all different. And so how do you recommend that we could really value one another and our differences, especially when maybe someone isn't? Performing, I don't like that word, but doing something the way we think that they ought to be doing it. Yeah. A good place to start. I call it active and reflective listening. Like hear the person out. Active listening means that, You're listening to what they're saying without coming to a conclusion or a judgment without making up, you know, your rebuttal or what you're going to say. You're actively listening to what it is they're saying. And then reflective listening as you reflect back what you heard. So what I heard you say is this, you know, did I get that right? Because when we are taking in information, we have so many filters that we're passing through, and it's just so unfair to the people. That we are listening to the people that we're in communication with. But when you do that, you stop your filters and you allow yourself to hear the story of the person that's giving the story. And you allow yourself to have empathy, which is, you know, to feel what it is they're feeling, seeing it through their eyes, standing in their shoes. You know, just even if it's just for a moment. You know, we've talked about a lot of different scenarios today, and I certainly hope that people will post in the comments some of the questions they have and some of the scenarios that they're facing so that we can continue this conversation. Tracy, these things that we're talking about are great for believers, but how does it work in the life of a non-believer? It's the same thing. It's like, . Even if you're a non-believer, check out the Bible. See what it has to say. Don't think that it is what you've thought it is through social media or through some church that you know, check it out for yourself like it's some one-on-one time. There is a person called Jesus and he is there. He is waiting for you. And if you're like dead set against that, then. There's a, there's something that I do with my clients called a thought record where there's an event, you write down what you feel about the event, and then you write down your first thought that came. And the idea behind that is that, you know, there's nothing on the outside of you that can make you feel or do anything, but it's what you think. On the out that of what's happening on the outside. So once you've identified what you think, you can see that it's what you're thinking of this event over here that is causing this feeling. So you wanna think of an alternate way of seeing it, like what else is true about this? And then you tell yourself, well, if I thought that, , you know, eventually I will be able to finish this if I sat down and committed, you know, to a paragraph a day. Well, I still feel totally upset by the thought if I'm not, because if you're thinking, okay, so for example, if you're writing something and you're thinking that. I'm never going to get this done. And then you feel really bad about that. If you change that thought to, I will get this done. I just have to follow this order or set up some kind of plan, and then I will. So if you're thinking I will get this done, then you're probably not gonna be upset. You'll be motivated, you'll be inspired, but you have to keep. you know, on trucking, you have to keep moving forward in whatever it is you're doing. Keep on trucking more. Really good, tangible, solid advice. Thank you so much, Tracy. But if people want to reach out to you, Tracy, what's a great way for them to get ahold of you? So, I am on Instagram in two places. My private practice is healing the mind and spirit, so it's at healing the mind and spirit. And then at Tracy Terrace. T r a c y t a r i s. You can also join my email subscription list by going to tracy terrace.com and then subscribe. And you'll see, you know, that I'll send you blogs and newsletters and things like that. If you're in the state of California and you're looking for therapy, you could find us on healing to Mind in spirit.com and call the office. And we're a group, so you may end up seeing me or you may end up seeing one of the other therapists here. We are all licensed just for California, so if you have listeners in other states we can't see them. Well, I'll put links to all of those things in the show notes and a link to the book so that people can get that for themselves or to give to someone else. As we're wrapping up here today, what would you leave us? believe. Believe in yourself. Believe that you are like, go and investigate. Who does God say I am? Because you are already that it's Jesus. When Jesus died and that curtain ripped, like he took away all of that stuff. Like we're just walking and living, but we're not living in who we. We're originally created to be like, you are loved. You are a holy na nation. You are chosen, you are part of the family of God. If you know, if you believe in God and you believe in Jesus and things like that, but whether you believe in God or not, God created all people and he wants all people to come home and I don't think that's just on the other side. You can come. To God here by opening your heart to Jesus Christ and opening your mind to more of what the Savior has to say rather than self society. And Satan and Tracy, our time is finished today. I am sorry to say that, but I wish you a radically abundant day. Thank you. I wish the same for you, Teresa.