Hope and Healing for Family Relationships with Jodi Thomas

Teresa Janzen is talking with Jodi Thomas, a health and wellness coach, author, and adoptive mom. Jodi had a vision of how her family would look, but that’s not what happened. She soon had to face the reality of attachment disorder and other family challenges. God gave her a vision of a bird with broken wings. Listen in as we see God work more than one miracle in this family.

Jodi Thomas is familiar with life’s challenges. She and her husband, Peter, of over 30 years have faced many. They have stories of heartbreak to heart mending from adoption, infertility, illness, incarceration, and more. Despite life not working out the way she planned, she is passionate about sharing God’s hope, health and the abundant life available to women.  

Connect with Jodi at: https://jodithomas.net

Connect with Teresa at https://teresajanzen.com

Transcript

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Welcome to Radical Abundance. I'm your host, Teresa Janzen, and today's guest is Jodi Thomas. Jodi is a health and wellness coach as well as a hope dealer, and she knows all about what it is to have hope, because she first had to find the one who gives hope. Jodi, welcome to Radical Abundance. It's great to have you on the show today. It's great to be here. Thanks for having me. Theres. Well, I want to just jump right into your story because I know anyone who can describe themselves as a hope dealer and has, who has found purpose in their life, their physical life as a health and wellness coach, their spiritual life, their emotional life. It's never just happens. There's always a journey that takes people. To that point. So take us back a bit to the beginning of that journey before you had it all together and were the totally collected and with it woman I see before me today. What was life like for you back then? Well, Life didn't turn out the way I planned. And one thing I wanna talk about is 25 years ago we adopted two children. My husband was a pastor of an inner city church in Nebraska. And We had a dog, he was a Chinese char, and we kept him out on our fun porch and we met our kids that way. So never underestimate the power of a dog. God needs our dog to bring our two kids into our lives. And long story short, we knew them for several years and we tried to help the birth mom for several years, get treatment for various issues, and then when they were homeless and they were gonna. Have to go into foster care. God led me to write a word, picture that about a bird, birds and a mama bird taking care of her baby birds and teaching how to fly in the nest was the best way for these kids to succeed. And God used that word picture to lead these kids to us. And it's been a long journey. And there, there was some hopeless. At times, but I'm here to share the hope of persevering through what God has called you to do. So the adoption journey I know can be one with a lot of ups and downs, and a lot of different people experience that at different stages, and it's very different. Of course, every family is unique and every adoptive family is also unique and there's a difference between adopt. A child as an infant, and as an older child. Just share with us a bit more about your journey. Sure. Well, I think what we went into it blindly, naively, and especially because it was a different avenue to adoption, we knew the kids and so I did not expect a rejection, and especially towards a female because they feel loyal to their birth mom. So I just didn't experience that cuddly Welcome as an Adopt a Mom that I thought there was a lot of rejection. There was chaos cuz the kids were just never really had a stable home. And looking back I realized just how broken they were that had broken hearts and broken wings. And I wish I released those expectations in hindsight. And, I did serve him and love him, but I think if I had just more realistic expectations, it would've been easier. So there was just a lot of chaos and I remember taking them to a counselor and the teacher wanted me to take our daughter to a counselor to get assessed for adhd, and they did have, ADHD learning disabilities. But I said to this counselor, I said, Do you think I'm crazy for adopting these kids? And her response was just what I needed to hear at that time. She said crazy. You is what the world needs more of. And it was just an encouragement that, that God brought these kids into her life and we just had to keep at it. But there was then I took them, another counselor, and it finally, they explained attachment disorder to me and just a lot of. Things that our kids, experiences from unprocessed trauma and their brokenness know is just acted out in the home of, not trusting, lying, stealing and it can make the adoptive parents feel hopeless and angry and depressed at times. And I know parenting in general is hard, but I wanna encourage. People out there who wanna give up just to hang in there cuz I'll get to where we are today later. Jody, that's a really dangerous question that you asked and anytime you ask someone am I crazy too? There . I know that you're thinking that. What am I doing? What did I get myself into? Yeah. And you talked about expectations and Word about expectations that I think leads people to a lot of disappointment, frustration, all of those things. We design what we think our family is going to look like, what our family should look like, and how people are going to behave. We make that all up in our mind, and then when it doesn't come out that way, that can be really hard. And so what was your initial response to that in the context of your family? What did that look? I think angry and which is really, hurt is underneath anger that I let fester as bitterness and hopelessness. And I think, we're both all about living abundantly, John 10 10, But the first part is that the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But Jesus came to give us abundant life. But I think I've been stuck in that bitter mode because of my expectations and hurt. But thanks be to God. I'm not there now. But it, it was very tough times. And just when our dreams, I think we all have broken dreams and broken hearts, and that can lead to bitterness. So, Jody, when you say that things got difficult, give us an example. Tell us a little. How difficult you mean when you say things got difficult? For when our son turned 19, instead of going to his high school graduation, he ended up in the county jail, which was right down the street from the church where my husband was a pastor at. And that was very difficult. He start, started hanging around the wrong crowd and his 11th year of high school and I did my best to try to fix him and keep him out of trouble. And, Sadly, he ended up in the New Jersey Department of Corrections where I had to visit him through the plexiglass and his orange outfit. It was crushing seeing him with. The shackles on his wrist and behind his back, and I didn't get to hug or hold him for four years. We didn't get a family picture for four years, and it was very crushing. My hopes and dreams were crushed by those prison doors and this sweet little boy who we met through our dog when he was five. It just in my mind, didn't belong there. But so my heart was broken then. But God he's done wonderfully today. I have to wonder, being a pastor, family, pastor's, wife, pastor kids, even though, they're adoptive and all that stuff, there still can be a lot of pressure in the church. What was the response from your church family as well as the general Christian family? I'd say it was mixed. But we did get a lot of support. And there, there were other families in the church too who had birth children who were in the same prison. And I think some people, did judge us, but I think God did put people who understood that. In one of our churches, there was another family who had adopted children and who had struggled as well. So I think there was support, although, I still think some judge us cuz people don't really understand, that we didn't have'em from birth and how, just that there's a different set of issues we were dealing with. God gave us God wings along the way. At one point I, this was way back in the beginning. On Valentine's Day, I got a package from my mother-in-law's bible study. She sends a care package. Just cards. And one card said, Stick with it. In 10 years you'll be glad you did it. One person sent $20, go get some ice cream for a family together. And so it just, God gave little encouraging things, even though, things were tough and some people didn't always support and understand. But there, there were many people who did pray and encourage us. So that was. Well, I'm glad that you had some people who were encouraging along the way, and one of the things I had to learn myself the hard way when it comes to our church family is that each and every person is at a different point in their journey, and their expectations also are there and are interfering with their relationships and things like that sometimes. And so when someone. Doesn't respond the way that you anticipate that they may. We have to remember that they're on their journey and they are learning something through the process, and we might be a part of that. I've certainly had experiences even with my kids who were not adopted. I had them from birth, so I was their primary influence and still, of course, they make choices that are not the choices I would've liked for them to. They're human beings and they're individual human beings who have free will and will make their own journey, and that's part of their road that God will deal with them on. And as a parent, oftentimes we. Feel like our success or failure as a parent is based on our children's choices.. And that's just not true, especially as our kids get older. So I'm glad that God gave you some of those God wings, but tell me a little bit more about how that journey then progressed from that point, and how are things going now in your family? Sure. So I remember sitting in church and I, we had a guest preach for, my husband didn't preach and our son had just kept making worse and worse sit. He kept ha getting chances in the legal situ. Legal situations and kept messing up. And then he ended in prison and my heart just kept getting broken and broken again. And I remember just saying, That's it. I'm gonna give up cuz I can't stand the pain. And this pastor looked at me during a sermon and said, Some of you wanna give up on your kids and I'm telling you don't. And like you said, it just not only just adoptive. Parenting, but just parents in general, kids are gonna be frustrating. And I wanted to give up, but God just said, Surrender him to me, but don't give up. So we supported him and I actually had to quit my job. My husband was serving as a pastor in South Dakota, so we, I moved back to New Jersey for six months and helped him. Graduate from intensive supervised parole program, whereas if he failed, he would've gone to prison for four years.. But through the grace of God and lots of prayers and support, he graduated and moved out to South Dakota with us, and now fast forward several years, he is a wonderful husband, a wonderful father. He has a three year old redhead. We have a three year old redheaded granddaughter. And it's just wonderful to see. He wrote a beautiful thing on my husband's Facebook wall for Father's Day, just about thanking. Thank you for adopting me. Thank you for making me into the man and father and husband I am today. So I just thank God, but it took. Took many years to get to that point. We had to persevere and not quit and surrender. But I thank God that he's doing so well today. I think there are parents out there listening to this today who feel like they have not heard those words. Thank you. And that can be hard. It's a hard season of parenthood when you feel like, yes. You are sacrificing a lot and you are giving a lot, and you are trying your best and maybe not perfect, but you're really trying., think it's important to hear from someone like you who eventually the thank you comes eventually, it sinks in and so there's hope and yes. How do you hold on until you get there? Yeah, well I think we, we gotta hold on to God and look at what God has done for us. I had one counselor, tell me I had to relinquish and surrender them. So I already mentioned that, just how to continually surrender your kids Lord. But also, for me, I just wanna fix and. Just to surrender, but be careful about not being good dependent because I've been there too, but just surrendering and supporting. But another counselor said, just that we adopted these kids like God. God adopts us as his children. And I just wanted touch briefly on What happened with our daughter when she was in her early twenties, and that seems to be a tough time for kids in general when I've talked to biological parents or adoptive parents. So we came down to see our daughter. And we hadn't seen her and we wanted to take her to the movies and go out to dinner and she did not show up. So it was rejection again, we were there and we wanted to do something with her. And I just remember crying in church and because I just felt like our love was rejected again. And it's amazing that through that time, God Wink was. Was leading me through a Bible study on Jose and his redeeming love for his people, and again, encouraged me just the right time that we need to keep loving Christina. Like we had to keep loving our son and not giving up on her. And it really was a period of about five years where we were very disconnected and did not see her very much, did not have a relationship with her. And again hanging there for parents who are going through this, cuz that was the early twenties. Now they're both in the early thirties and we live an hour from our daughter Christina. And our granddaughter, she's an eight year old and we just spent yesterday raspberry picking with them. And we talk several times a week. So again, that's a very short overview of just the difficulty it's been, but how God has brought us through that. And I think just looking to God and what he's done for us and. Staying true and persevering when with circumstances that are tough. They say that love is a two way street, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it only goes one way. Yeah. And so, or it might be two way, but it's not going both ways at the same time. Yeah. And you have, and the way, it's not 50 50, it's a hundred percent in there, or 110% in there when you choose to love someone. And it's, it can't be conditional based on them loving you back and yet., tell me, Jody, how do you keep from being a doormat in the middle of all of this? Yes. Good point. I think just, I have some good friends who supported me and talking with it, but also just, we need to, The serenity of prayer is so important. We do need to take care of ourselves and have that life from God pour into us and help. Plugging into God's strength and surrounding ourselves with support and, and just praying to see, okay, where am I, need to take care of myself along with parenting. So I think just, just taking care of yourself and finding fun things to do and finding people to pour into you and plugging into the power of God and letting God can obviously get your strength and hope from him. Well, I like what you said about taking care of yourself and I don't know this cuz you and I haven't talked about it, but it was all of this part of where you really got tuned into the whole health and wellness area also has, did this journey impact your goals and helping people really take charge of their physical health in the midst? Difficult circumstances. Yeah, exactly. I'm a health coach. I've been in the health and wellness field over 20 years. But I do wanna say that in hindsight, I think the stress of trying to control the kids and trying to control a situation if I had surrendered it before and really letting go of things that I couldn't That the stress of the kids impacted my health negatively So part of my passion for health now is to as a health coach and being a personal trainer, I've been the health and wellness field for 20 years. But part of it really is the mindset and releasing that stress and focusing on God. Cuz it, it was very, it is difficult going through very stressful situations and not having it affect your health negatively. Because it does it. It's not good for our health and we try to control things we can't.? That's right. Absolutely. It's not good for our health. Well, I can't believe that our time has just about come to an end, but I want to give you an opportunity to deal a little bit of hope before we go. What do you wanna leave us with today? Well, I wanna leave you with Psalm 34 18. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who question spirit. Several years ago, our daughter wrote on her Facebook wall. Thank you mom and dad for being the best parents I could ask for and for teaching me how to fly.. And so that goes back to the beginning. Sorry, I still get tears in my eyes. Just that when God's called you, if you're in a time of suffering where you need to persevere or just, in, in a circumstance that you feel over your head, just surrender. Never quit. And let God heal your broken heart. And remember, Hebrew six 19, we have this hope as an anchor for the soul firm, insecure. I do wanna say just I'm looking forward to reading your book, Radical Abundance and all the stories of hope and healing, cuz God, we need to cling to his hope in tough times and know that we can live abundantly despite the storms and challenges. He has an abundance of a radical abundance of hope for us. And Jody, I do wish you a radically abundant day. I hope you find that today, and you have certainly brought some radical hope into our lives. Thank you. Amen. Thank you. You too, Theresa. Thank you. You know that book that Jodi was just talking about? Well, it's available right now. Just head over to there, janssen.com and check out the bookshop.